Who knew that just sitting in a room and trying to think over things to make yourself feel better can be so god damned difficult?
All I wanted was a few moments to myself because I heard that when you think you eventually feel better--
Sorry, that statement is wrong.
I sink into bed, tossing and turning;
I feel as if I got a noose around my neck
That's getting tighter as time is passing.
Not to cry;
I tell myself lie after lie
That everything'll be better
If I don't let any emotions fly.
A thousand thoughts go by
And I let out a shaky sigh;
A tear begin rolling down my cheek;
I curse myself for being so weak
But now that stopper I'd put on my bottle's starting to give--
Any minute now I'll break down and succumb to those tears
That I'd held back for all those years
Of reminiscing over my idiotic failures and fears;
I really need to switch gears
Before I expose my weakest form to those peers--
Oops! I let out a choked sob but then scold myself
"Girl, don't you know that walls have ears?!"
I WILL NOT let myself grieve no more,
Is what I keep telling myself.
But alas I fail again--
Shit, I'm such a weak and moody person--
I let those fucking tears POUR.